I am still marveling about the shooting session with Thekla that happened one month ago. The spirit of this session has lingered on as I have been processing and posting the pictures. And from that moment something amazing has been developing. I have been in touch with people that have helped me finding what I want to do in photography. Really, it is that big!
I have been looking around and searching for what I want to express in photography for the past six years. It has been a meandering through subjects, techniques, aspirations, disappointments and endeavors. And though I never had the feeling that I was really going wrong it also never felt entirely right, never complete, never as if I was on the path I wanted to be.
The first big step was that last year I started to shoot portraits. It was the first time that I worked with human beings and the first time that I dared exposing myself to them as a photographer. It was a huge step.
There was always the aspiration of working with people, taking their pictures and finding a way to develop my photography into that direction. I just did not have the courage. Accomplished portrait and nude photographers might smile about this impediment (or maybe some might nod as they know this feeling of fear from their own experience).
Whatever, for me it was the first time that I got in touch with people that were willing to work with me and that I felt comfortable to work with. I am really grateful to Io and her fellow musicians for this experience.
From there I shot more portraits and I gained some more experience. But it still felt sometimes clumsy and as if I was not doing quite what I wanted or should do.
And then two things happened. I met Thekla and had this amazing creative experience with her. And I also met Nanni. Nanni is an artistic photographer in Germany who I approached via Flickr because her pictures fascinated me. And via email we started talking about photography, about how our brains work and process information and reality and about what defines the core of us as human beings.
Picture from the photo shooting with Thekla in October. Picture processed with textures.
And all of a sudden it clicked. All this together starts giving me the feeling, I would even say certainty what I want to do and express and depict in photography. It is as if my photographic destiny is gradually opening up. I am not there yet. I will need to try things out. I know it is a path and not a place.
But essentially I want to explore what lies under the surface of us as human beings. What defines us, what makes us behave the way we do, what makes us human and what brings us together as human beings. And I wand to find the expression of this human essence in the faces and (nude) bodies of people that I depict.
Well, that’s kind of big, isn’t it? Very big. Maybe stupid. Maybe preposterous. And maybe hopeless and destined to fail. But it feels right! And I need to go there.
Thank you to all my companions over the past years, thank you to my new friends. Thank you to Thekla, Nanni, Marilena, Io, Tracy, Alistair, Frank, Jay (Vulture Labs) and Ioanna. Thank you for going with me, for your ideas, teachings, readiness and support.
And I will write more about this as it evolves. Who knows how the journey will be. And if it will be a journey at all. But at least I want to take the first few steps now.